how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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