thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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