I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Green mimosas i think yes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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