Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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