I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
