If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
