Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
