I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize