I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
