I want to make a zoo with you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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