Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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