New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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