Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
