The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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