Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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