Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
