I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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