Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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