Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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