My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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