i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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