I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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