So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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