Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Come on in and take your pants off
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
