Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Randomize
