Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
