I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
