everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
