I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
