I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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