covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize