If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
