Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
