SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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