What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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