At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
