North Korea, Best Korea!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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