YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
