dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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