I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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