My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
