The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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