I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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