Only a mothe r could love this liver
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
