Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
