Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
