we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
