Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
