Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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