How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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