Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
