As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I cut my penus on the lid.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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