Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i've created a new STD.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
