Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
