You can't motorboat a personality
i was born a porn star she said
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
