this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
