Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
