Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
