We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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