I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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