I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize