do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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