I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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