He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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