Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
