just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize