I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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